i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
