I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
