so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
