I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
