Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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