I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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