Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
