Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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