Your mouth is God's brothel.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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