Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
