Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
