am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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