I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
