You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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