My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
