I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
