Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
