My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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