I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
