Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
