My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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