No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
