You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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