How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
