You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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