Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
