I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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