Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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