no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
