dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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