Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
