That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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