Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
