I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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