We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
