my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
