Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
