The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
it's like heaven, but drunker
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize