TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
