It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
