I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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