i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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