cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
