Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
