Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
