Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
