you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I love you. Go after that dick
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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