i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
