Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
