I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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