I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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