We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
