when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize