I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
