How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
