A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
