i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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