We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Randomize
