Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
high people should be assigned attendants
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
