Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
