I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Pooping to opera.
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