so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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