Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
